Understanding Jacob

Emergency vehicles and volunteers are roaming the streets of our barrio, offering help, free mattresses and mops.  Egipto, my pup is curled up on my lap, oblivious to the stress of this day.  My husband Lloyd and I are on the second level of our home, waiting for the final inches of the two feet of flood waters to drain out of our first floor.  Lloyd is sleeping it out.  I am too tired, too angry and too busy thinking to drowse.  It's well past midnight.

At 4:00 this afternoon Lloyd had called me at the children's foundation where I work, to tell me that I shouldn't rush home since our barrio was flooded out and I probably wouldn't be able to enter the house.  It had been a full day and that was not the news I wanted to hear.  Oddly enough I had been teaching the kids about Jacob wrestling with God.  It's a peculiar concept for young children and I wondered at first why the story would be included in a Bible for children.  What's the point of the story if it's not that fighting God pays off?  That somehow didn't ring well with standard Sunday school lessons but made it appealing to me for the very same reason.  Let's stir up some dust here and see what we discover about God.

I grabbed a bunch of candies, threw them in a plastic bag and clenched them in my fist.  "Okay kids," I challenged, "I have a treat for each one of you.  If you want it you've got to catch me and wrestle the prizes out of my hand."   At first they watched in disbelief as I ran away from them.  You could see the bewildered looks in their faces, "The profe wants us to fight her?" followed by a pregnant pause then an explosion of energy.  The battle was on.  Each group fought, giggled, pushed and pulled until they landed the prize.  They didn't give up nor did they stop fighting until they all had gooey candies in their mouths.  Then, and only then did they relax, contentedly.  I am finally beginning to understand Jacob. 

It's not about Jacob the deceiver at all.  It's about Jacob the man that knew the value of the undeserved gift.  He wanted his father's blessing badly enough to become an imposter.  Then he ran for his life.  And he wanted God's blessing so much so that he took on the Angel of God and hobbled the rest of his life for it.  That seems to be what God wanted from him - that passionate and obsessive desire for those good things - divine anointing.

Are we that hungry for the good things of God that we will pay any price at all for them?  It's not a particularly comfortable question because with Jacob's stories it insinuates wanting those things selfishly and at the expense of others as well as ourselves.  That's not very 'Christian', is it?

I had a lot of time to kill waiting for the flood waters to lower enough to allow me to wade home.  I had coffee with a friend, ate alone and went to a movie all by myself.  All the while I kept fighting with God.  I .was angry about our house flooding not just this time (the worst to date) but over and over again.  I was angry with Him for allowing mankind, not just us, to suffer in such a way.  Honestly speaking, compared to many of our neighbors we really did get off easy - especially since we have a dry second floor to run to.  But  why does our loving Father permit these kinds of conflicts and struggles in our lives? Why God?  Why? Why? Why?

Finally, in my mind I grabbed hold of Him hard and I had no intention of letting go.  "I want your blessing, God.  I'm tired of the struggle.  I'm tired of bailing water and watching the suffering happen all around.  I'm not letting go until you bless me."

I'm not even sure what I was really asking, what I wanted exactly, or what I was hoping God would grant me.  I just knew that I was tired and whiny and reasonably sure that God had something better in mind for me if I wanted it badly enough.

Lest you think all of a sudden the sun came out, the flood waters disappeared and I went home to a warm cozy house, think again.  It's not that simple when it comes to God and me.  We are still fighting this one out.  The only thing I am reasonably sure about is the bottom line, "I'm not giving up on this fight until I have your blessing, God.  I'm hanging on tight, throwing you punches until the good things you have intended for me are manifested in my life."

I may be hobbling but I have a hunch that now that the battle has been declared, both God and I are in it for the long haul.  I hope I fare as well as Jacob did.